Tips for Preparing Well for Holiday Events and Social Gatherings

When the holidays come around, they often bring with them a host of events and people. Last month, we talked about "healthy boundaries for the holidays". Now, let's dive further into preparing for those holiday events. You might be looking forward to some and dreading others. We want to give you some practical tips to help you maximize your enjoyment while mitigating the negativity. The content from this blog post originally appeared on an episode of Aaron Potratz and Nathan Hawkins' podcast, Shrink Think.

Consider the Timing

When thinking about the holidays, one of the first and important things to consider is the timing of events before you commit to them. Schedules can fill up quickly and unexpectedly, making for a busy holiday season. It's easy to mistakenly commit to numerous events that, on their own, seem fine but when overloaded in a calendar can be too much.

These kinds of events can be too much socially: a lot of social interactions. There might be several larger gatherings on the calendar right next to each other. In effect, this could lead you socially burned out.

These events can also be a lot of time commitment. Where you might be wanting to take some time away from work to refresh yourself (or use up your PTO), these events can steal those opportunities.

Lastly, and maybe most surprisingly, these events can simply be too much food. Oftentimes when you're eating too many holiday treats or rich foods, it can lead to burnout of food. You might not want to attend an event simply because you'd rather stay home and have a healthy salad instead.

Whatever your reasons, before you say yes to your holiday events this year, consider the timing. Get in the habit of saying, "I'm not sure, let me check my calendar and get back to you" when asked to attend. This gives you time to reflect on these instead of having to answer on the spot.

What do you want to see when you look back on this time?

If you need help deciding, here's a simple yet practical exercise you can do. Imagine it's New Year's Day and you're looking back on this holiday season. All the events, family gatherings, and social activities are over. Ask yourself these questions:

• How do you want to feel about the holidays?
• How do you want to feel about how you handled them?
• What actions/behaviors do you want to have seen from yourself?
• What is one thing you were most proud of for doing that was hard?
• Who are the people you were glad you spent time with?
• What were you pleased you avoided or limited?

These questions can help clarify what's important to you now and what you might need to do. Sometimes the present circumstances can be too stressful or overwhelming to see beyond. When you think through an exercise like this, though, it can help you see beyond those obstacles for a greater perspective.

Manage your expectations

The mental map you have about an event will decide what your expectations are and how you will react. If you expect the holidays to be one thing that they are not, you might find yourself feeling a different way than expected.

Make sure you are being honest with yourself and realistic about things. Just like those personality tests online that ask you to answer about how you truly are and not how you want to be, you need to be honest with yourself.

If you're attending an event you've been to before, think about years past and be realistic about what to expect. If it's a new event or with new people, consider withholding some of your expectations and just being open to what might be. You might enjoy that or you might not. At least you can evaluate it more objectively rather than comparing it to something you had expected (realistically or not).

Decide how to deal in advance

Finally, with all the hubbub of the holidays it's important to have some decisions made in advance so you don't get put on the spot or caught off guard.

How open do you want to be about yourself and your life? Who do you want to be open to? What subjects are you okay talking about and with whom? What topics are off-limits to you or with certain people?

It's okay to consider writing yourself a script or developing some phrases to repeat back if someone asks to talk with you about certain topics. Go into some of these events assuming people may not want to talk about the things you do want to talk about. Conversely, assume some people will want to talk about all the things you do not want to talk about. Being prepared is a great way to set these boundaries.

It can also be helpful to have an "exit plan" in case you get stuck at a party or with a family member. Plan another event at a certain time to limit your commitment to the event you need to "exit." You could also ask a friend to text you at a certain time to check in on you in case you need to step away for fresh air and regroup on the phone.

The holidays can be a challenging time for everyone, even with people and events you truly love and enjoy. If you want help getting through, book an appointment to start counseling for anxiety in Tigard, OR.

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Our team of skilled therapists is ready to help you find the best ways to move through the holidays, in spite of your anxiety. Contact us today to talk about how we can help you start feeling more grounded and to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors. We offer both face-to-face (in-person) counseling sessions and online video counseling to residents in the state of Oregon.

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Not only can we help with your anxiety and depression, but we can also help navigate these difficult life transitions. Especially, the grief and loss we are all feeling right now! This is an especially difficult time for engaged couples and couples on the brink of separation or divorce. Also, for pregnant, postpartum, and parenting couples. Basically, everyone is facing some type of stressor right now. Please let our therapists help you navigate this difficult time.