Healthy Boundaries For The Holidays

Every year when the holidays return, I always brace myself for the myriad of reactions. Some people have fond experiences or memories while other people barely hang on until January. Wherever you’re at on that spectrum, boundaries can be an important element in successfully navigating the holiday season. 

What Do You Enjoy?

This may be easy or difficult, depending on your experiences. Start by thinking about what you enjoy about the holidays or this season. Do you enjoy certain music? Do you like wearing certain clothing? Are there certain foods that are best in this season? Are there traditions, events, or activities you look forward to?

Try not to focus on the negative. Allow your mind to be open to all of the things, big or small, that you enjoy and want to protect. Brainstorm if you have to; you can always remove things from you list if you decide later you don’t enjoy it.

With this list of things you enjoy, create a strategy for yourself to experience those things. Be intentional about when, where, how often, and how long you want to build those things into your holiday schedule. These will be what you look forward to!

What Do You Dislike

Now that you’ve isolated the positives, let yourself think about the negatives. What do you dislike or not look forward to about the holidays? Is it the happy music? Being around so many people? Feeling more alone?

See if you can focus on specific things you dislike, rather than being general and nonspecific. This will help you narrow down the parts you want to protect against, or carve out of your schedule if possible.

If it is possible to not attend those events or limit the length of them, be intentional about making the change to your schedule and letting the appropriate people (e.g., hosts or family members) know in advance. This will help manage expectations ahead of time and prevent issues later on.

With the other elements you dislike, see if you can think of alternatives or something you can change about them that might make them more tolerable. Sometimes bringing a friend can buffer a tough situation and sometimes creating some fun of your own can ensure things don’t go in a negative direction.

Whatever it is, the key here is to identify what you don’t want and remember that you have some power over your choices to make it different. You may not be able to change people or situations, but you can influence them in a way that makes them look or feel differently.

What You Can Look Forward To With Boundaries

If this entire exercise has been difficult for you, don’t worry. You may just need to do your best with the first two sections and focus most of your energy here. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is not easy, but it is worth it.

For situations where you really cannot affect much change and you just need to bear through, you might need to establish something to look forward to. You might need to dangle a carrot for yourself to make everything that’s challenging worth going through.

Is there a vacation you can plan? Maybe a weekend getaway after the holidays? If you don’t have any more time off, can you arrange a fun outing with some friends? If you’re tired of people or prefer a different approach, is there something you can treat yourself to that you would enjoy?

Putting It All Together

When can you identify what you want to keep, cut out, and can look forward to, you're ready to make a strategy for yourself. Consider making a list of all the things you may have to do over the holidays, run them through these filters you've just created, and then determine how to handle those situations.

Who do you need to talk to? When do you need to let them know? What do you need to tell them to set these boundaries? Is there someone you need to inform or invite to your excursion? How much planning or scheduling do you need in order to make these things happen?

Once you figure out these details, it's all about execution. You just need to follow-through. That is the hard part, for sure, because it means making all this stuff a reality. Remember, it's for your best and will keep you healthy and happy! These are major life changes. Binding together to face the challenges together can give you the strength, encouragement, and perspective you need to get through it. If you want help getting through, book an appointment to start counseling for anxiety in Tigard, OR.

---

Start Counseling for Healthy Boundaries in Tigard, OR Today

Our team of skilled therapists specializes in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. We understand how difficult it can be to keep going and stay positive despite the circumstances. Contact us today to talk about how we can help you start feeling more productive and confident, or to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors. We offer both face-to-face (in-person) counseling sessions and online video counseling to residents in the state of Oregon.

More Therapy Services at Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR

Not only can we help with your anxiety, depression, and stress, but we can also help navigate these difficult life transitions. Especially, the grief and loss we are all feeling right now! This is an especially difficult time for engaged couples and couples on the brink of separation or divorce. Also, for pregnant, postpartum, and parenting couples. Basically, everyone is facing some type of stressor right now. Let our therapists help you navigate this difficult time.