Grieving Losses Coronavirus Lockdown Has Caused In Our Lives

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Senior year was supposed to be fun. Graduation was supposed to have a celebration. The sports season was supposed to be your best. Your trip was supposed to finally come after a long winter. You were finally starting to get ahead financially or at your job. All of these, and many more, are things we have lost and must grieve as losses due to coronavirus.

It's easy to feel angry and frustrated about this, and it would be understandable if you did. In order to move through this in a healthy way, though, we need to look at this situation through the lens of grief. We are all mourning the loss of things important to us or of things we were looking forward to, which we cannot get back.

As I've been sitting with people over the last several weeks, there are other important things we have lost that have made this time so difficult. Three significant things we've lost and may be grieving are:

• Work and/or purpose
• Comforts and distractions
• A sense of control and choice

We've lost meaning and purpose

For many people across the country, the shelter in place order has resulted in a halt to being able to work. Unemployment has skyrocketed, leaving many people stuck at home without a job or a paycheck. While many of us may have felt like we got an early vacation the first week of not working, as time has gone on we have also lost a sense of meaning and purpose in life.

Work can be something we have a love-hate relationship with. We love it because it gives us money we need to live on, it gives purpose and meaning to our daily lives, and it gives us a sense of pride and accomplishment. On the other hand, we hate it because we need it and cannot live without it - we are bound to it day in and day out for most of our lives.

As we mourn the loss of regular, daily work during this time, it's important we recognize that we've lost both sides of that relationship.

We've lost our comforts

Normal life is full of daily comforts and distractions. The drive to work. News from the sports world. Small interactions with people.

When the majority of people are forced to keep a social distance and avoid gathering as groups, those comforts and distracts have disappeared. The result is feeling unsettled or a sense of unease, boredom, and an eerie quiet from the world.

We realize how much we have depended on those small things to bring us comfort or distract us from the challenges of life when we no longer have them. Right now, you may be forced to find new ways of comforting yourself or new distractions that you're not used to.

We hope this is only for a time and that we will be able to "return to life as usual" soon. Until then, though, we have lost something reliable in our individual worlds that has been like a close friend.

We feel out of control

Over the last several weeks, we have been following orders given to us by the authorities. We respect the decision for the sake of our fellow Americans, not wanting to spread the virus to those who are vulnerable in order to protect and save lives.

In this process, we have lost the ability to make decisions or feel a sense of control in our own lives. It has felt like holding on each day to what the news of "the peak" or "the curve" means for our future. More cases of the virus have meant a longer period of powerlessness. The feeling of needing to get out or do something - anything - that's different has been building like a crescendo.

As of the date of this post, there is no definitive end in sight. Looking back, we've definitely felt like we've lost control and our lives are at the behest of our governments or of the virus if we've been impacted by it. As a human being, losing a sense of control can be one of the most difficult losses to experience because it gets to us at our core.

Accepting Losses

In order to move through grief and into healing, we must accept our losses. Acknowledge them. Feel them. Express them.

There is no linear process for this and there is no definitive time period. Each one of us experiences loss differently, and we are all impacted by other losses we may have experienced in our lives. However, if we can make space in our hearts and minds to accept that we have lost these things that are dear and important to us, we can take the sting out of this time and be free to move on when the time comes.

It's not easy, though. As the saying goes, "grief is a dessert that must be crossed on foot." There are no shortcuts.

---

Start Counseling

Our team of skilled therapists specialize in treatment for grief and anxiety. We want to help you work through these losses and find a new "normal" in your life that has meaning and joy again. Contact us today to talk about how we can help you start feeling hopeful again, or to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors. We offer both face-to-face (in-person) sessions and online video counseling to residents in the state of Oregon.