Questions Clients Have About Working With A Therapist - Part 2 of 2

In this part of the two-part series, I look at two more important questions commonly asked by clients. My hope is still to make this part of therapy as easy as possible and to give you answers to help you feel more comfortable and confident with your therapist (or getting started with one).

Here are the four main questions I’ll answer:

1. Who leads the session?
2. What should you do in (and between) each session?
3. How do you know when you’re making progress?
4. How do you work with your therapist well?

I answered the first two questions in Part 1 of this series. Here, I'll answer the last two questions.

How do you know when you’re making progress in therapy?

This question is for all the goal-oriented folks out there. If that’s you, knowing that the target you’re trying to hit is important for you to have confidence that therapy is working (and not wasting your time and money). This is a great question!

Personally, I try to be as transparent as possible with clients about their goals and progress toward them. I believe this kind of information is so valuable for you to have as you navigate such an unfamiliar and uncomfortable process! Knowing what’s working or improving can give you clarity on what to focus on. It can help you see for yourself that your hard work is paying off, or it can help you see how you might need to make some adjustments to make the progress you want to make.

This leads to an important element that many people struggle with in therapy…

How do I work with my therapist well?

There seems to be a mysterious curtain between clients and therapists. So many people think of therapists like the old-school Freudian Psychologists who are analyzing them as they lay down and share their dreams. Therapists can seem like outsiders to society because they seem to have it all figured out!

That’s certainly not true. Therapists are people just like you! They have struggles, problems, see therapists themselves and come from upbringings that were traumatic.  Remember that they are also human, just like you.

A therapeutic relationship may not be perfect

Another important thing to keep in mind is that your relationship with your therapist is a relationship, just like you have with everyone else. Now, the therapeutic relationship itself is different because of the professional arrangement, but it’s still a relationship. It requires trust, safety, communication, vulnerability, and care.

If there’s something you’re unsure of or upset about, talk with your therapist about it. This can be a real difficulty because of the authority it feels your therapist holds as the “expert.” It can feel like you’re challenging him or her, questioning things, or creating conflict - when you might already dislike conflict in the first place. If you’re like most people, you probably even expect a negative reaction.

Talk to your therapist about your concerns

Talk about it. Bring it up to your therapist, focusing on expressing your thoughts, feelings, or needs. Share what your observations have been. If necessary, let your therapist know you respect them and want them to understand you. A good therapist won’t take any of it personally but hear what you’re saying, respond with compassion and gratitude, and make any necessary adjustments.

Talking about these kinds of issues improves communication, builds trust, and ultimately helps you work together better. Your therapist is doing their best and sometimes they need your direct feedback to better meet your needs. Every time I’ve had these experiences with clients, they’ve been hard but extremely valuable and pivotal in our working relationship. I recognize my responsibility to own my mistakes, better understand my clients’ point of view, and express gratitude for their courage and vulnerability with me. The result is that clients feel better and we are able to work together toward their goals more productively.

Conclusion

Therapy is simply talking with another person about yourself and your life, and being open to their guidance about how to see things differently or make some changes. That is a process over time which requires the two of you to work together. It also means you both have to adjust to one another and communicate.

The great thing about this kind of relationship is that your therapist is there for YOU. They don’t have their own personal needs from you, so they are free to be completely available to your needs. They’re not perfect and will make mistakes, but good therapists strive to improve and remain open to your feedback. So what you bring to each session is valuable, whatever it is.

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