Here’s a riddle: What is something we know we should have, but ignore - both in our personal and professional lives. We make them and we break them. We try so hard and sometimes succeed, sometimes wave the white flag, and sometimes regret making them to begin with. 

Answer: Boundaries!

Dominos or wooden blocks set up in a line. Falling against each other until a hand blocks them from falling. Codependency treatment in Tigard, OR can help with therapy for relationship issues via online therapy in Oregon.

If we don’t know how and why we are setting them, they can be about as effective as hiding candy from a five-year-old. Setting unrealistic boundaries, barriers, or limitations just doesn’t work. If we’re able to step over a barrier, we likely will because it can be uncomfortable to find a different route. 

But, what about boundaries that we set for ourselves around communication, personal space, work/life balance, friendships, free time, commitments, health, hygiene, spending habits, and on and on? 

Boundaries Keep us Accountable

Those are easy to set, as easy as an alarm clock on your smartphone, and just as easy to hit SNOOZE or STOP. And promising ourselves that tomorrow we’ll wake up right away and not hit snooze, just isn’t enough to keep us accountable.

Accountability is the key to success. Even though setting and sticking to your boundaries is ultimately on you, sometimes you can share some of the burdens with a friend, companion, co-worker, or even your therapist. Any one of these can bear some of the weight for you. Next time you’re wavering on an important boundary, you can relax a little bit, take a breath, and know that you’ve got this! Often, all it takes is knowing that someone cares about you, believes in you, and wants you to succeed. 

Boundaries: Key to Healthy Relationships

This brings us to the next important part about boundaries - they are vital for healthy, happy, productive relationships. Though some may see them as a wall or a barrier, they really are good for everyone involved. They ensure that each person understands the expectations and needs of the other person. And who doesn’t want to know and honor that in their relationships? 

Well, actually, probably a lot of people. But not because they don’t want what's best for those they love and care about, but likely because they are not used to having boundaries. Some people will push back when you try to set one. That doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It more likely means that person is not used to having a boundary set, and they don’t know what to do about it. You can help by staying firm and calm, explaining with love and kindness why you have set the boundary, and then giving time and space for them to process.

Shoes against a yellow line on the street. Codependency treatment in Tigard, OR can help with therapy for relationship issues via online therapy in Oregon.

Ok, so now that we’ve talked about the big picture, what is an actual example of a real-life boundary you can set and what might it look like in your relationships? We’ll use an imaginary character named Jack, for example.

Jack is the kind of person who needs time after receiving big or unexpected news before he feels comfortable talking about it out loud. His mom tends to spring big news on him when they’re together, and then immediately expects a response from him.

Jack decides this dynamic isn’t working for him because he knows what he needs, and he ends up resentful and frustrated with his mom when she has unrealistic expectations of him. During a pleasant family dinner, he tells his mom about the boundary that he needs to set - that he is someone who requires space and time to process, and that next time she tells him something new or important, he is going to tell her that he appreciates her sharing with him and he will get back to her soon about his thoughts. 

If she presses him, he is going to hold firm and remind her that he will need some time! Jack feels good about his boundary and feels less resentful towards his mom. Their relationship improves!

Start setting, and keeping your boundaries today!

So, next time you set a boundary - ask yourself... is it something worth setting? If so, who can you trust to help you keep your commitment? And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, confused, or lost with when and where to start with boundaries, your therapist is a great resource to start with! We can provide therapy for relationship issues in Tigard, or anywhere else via online therapy in Oregon. We’re here to help you every step of the way.

Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re necessary for living a happy life.

Consider Therapy for Relationship Issues in Tigard, OR

Our team of skilled Tigard, OR therapists is ready to help you open up to self-discovery for therapy. Contact us today to talk about how we can help you start feeling more grounded and to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors. We offer both face-to-face (in-person) counseling sessions and online therapy In Oregon to residents throughout the state.

More Therapy Services at Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR

Not only can we help with relationship issues, anxiety and depression, but we can also help navigate difficult life transitions. Especially, the grief and loss we are all feeling right now! This is an especially difficult time for engaged couples and couples on the brink of separation or divorce. Also, for pregnant, postpartum, and parenting couples. Basically, everyone is facing some type of stressor right now. Please let our therapists help you navigate this difficult time.