Your Fears May Be Causing Your Problems

This will probably sound familiar to you. There is something you don’t want to happen so you defend against it. Despite your best attempts, the thing you didn’t want ends up happening anyway. As a result, you may double your efforts next time but to no avail. The result is feeling powerless over the thing you fear the most.

Let’s Call Fear and Anxiety What It Is

Before we explore this dynamic, we need to be honest about what’s going on. Whatever the outcome or response you do not want, it’s likely something you fear. This doesn’t mean you feel afraid. In fact, you may not have many strong feelings about it all; you simply don’t want that thing to happen. However, striving to protect against that outcome is often a response to fear.

Many people do not resonate with the term “fear” because they reserve that for giant tarantulas and public speaking. Even if the term doesn’t fit for you, if the cycle looks familiar to you just go with it. You can call it something else as long as you can admit what is going on.

Fear and Anxiety Defense Mechanisms

It’s important to use the term “fear” is because it is an experience with enough intensity to elicit certain responses. These responses are defenses against the outcome you fear, resulting in a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” This means that the very thing you’re doing produces the specific outcome you do not want.

The reason this self-fulfilling prophecy occurs is because your fear-based responses are completely fixated on not producing the unwanted outcome, becoming blind to anything else. Any fixation this intense can block out extraneous information or potential actions (such as inaction) that could contribute to a more productive resolution. The result? Reaction against your defense mechanism that causes the undesired outcome.

Face Your Fears

Sometimes the best action to take is no action at all. Sometimes it’s to confront the issue and expose it rather than prevent it. When you’re afraid, these options are off the table because they seem to contribute to the feared reaction or add to its intensity. In other words, they may not give you the sense of control or safety your defensive actions do.

This is why it’s important to face your fears. Remaining open to all possibilities, regardless of the outcome or how scary they are, can help you explore more effective options you hadn’t considered before.

Staying open can also teach you a lot about yourself. You can learn more about yourself and see yourself differently than you’re used to. This can provide you with valuable information you might need to change and grow.

When you can allow yourself to be open to all possible responses to a situation, it means you have some effective ability to move your feelings aside (not ignoring them) and see things more objectively. Objectivity is a critical element to seeing situations clearly and determining all possible courses of action. It also allows you to think more critically rather than operate emotionally or reactively.

Anxiety Therapy Can Help, When You Are Ready

So the next time you find yourself faced with an unwanted outcome, take time to observe your feelings and actions to determine if you might be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. If so, it might be time to face your fears and learn how to see things more objectively.

Whether or not you decide to open up and share in therapy, I hope this has helped you think it through better and wrestle with your thoughts and feelings about it. If you need help getting started, book an appointment to start counseling for anxiety in Tigard, OR.

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Start Anxiety Counseling in Tigard, OR Today

Fear and anxiety can be very difficult to get used to sharing about and opening up about in therapy. Our team of skilled anxiety therapists is ready to help, in spite of your concerns about therapy. Contact us today to talk about how we can help you start feeling more grounded and to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors. We offer both face-to-face (in-person) counseling sessions and online video counseling to residents in the state of Oregon.

More Therapy Services at Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR

Not only can we help with your anxiety and depression, but we can also help navigate fears and difficult life transitions. Especially, the grief and loss we are all feeling right now! This is an especially difficult time for engaged couples and couples on the brink of separation or divorce. Also, for pregnant, postpartum, and parenting couples. Basically, everyone is facing some type of stressor right now. Please let our therapists help you navigate this difficult time.