After You Open Up In A Therapy Session

If you’ve ever been in therapy and decided to really open up, what happens when you go home? Once you’ve “laid it all out there,” what is that like for you?

This is an important question because many people are afraid of sharing, or going to therapy in the first place, for this reason. I want to address these with honesty to give you a clear picture of the process of therapy in hopes that it helps you decide when and how much to share. Ideally, my hope is that it encourages you to share fully and not let the fears become an obstacle.

Three Different Responses

After sharing personal stuff, some people experience a wave of panic. The realization that you just shared whatever you shared with someone else and now they permanently know it about you can be overwhelming. You might be afraid it’s going to change your therapist’s view of you. Maybe they’ll fire you. Worse, they’ll just judge you silently while writing on that mysterious notepad.

On the other hand, some people feel regret. They wish they hadn’t shared because it cannot be taken back. The reality feels like too much to face and the weight of it feels too heavy to bear. Maybe they weren’t even fully ready to share but got started and it just came out. Maybe they felt pressured to share. Whatever the reason, regret can be a painful feeling to walk away with.

There are many people, also, who feel a tremendous sense of relief. Having unloaded the burden they were carrying, they feel lighter and more hopeful. Their bodies don’t feel as tense or weighted down. They are able to move into a new position of openness and being known in therapy. They no longer have this obstacle holding them back and their therapist has all the information to help them move forward toward health.

Tips for Sharing

Even if you don’t have that third experience, here are a few important tips to help you make the decision to share or not.

1. Remember it’s going to be difficult
2. You’re already feeling this way
3. There is hope on the other side

It’s Hard To Share

If you ask the people who felt relief after sharing, they’ll probably tell you that it was hard for them. They had to work through those feelings as well. Instead of letting those fears control them, however, they found some courage and walked forward into greater transparency. 

The benefit of sharing is that you no longer carry that burden and you’re no longer imprisoned by fear. You can break free from the distorted view it creates in you about the world, people, and yourself. You can see things as they really are. They are no better and no worse than what they are.

And the reality is this: your therapist isn’t judging you. Your therapist WANTS your total honesty and can probably sense that something isn’t right. When all the information is on the table, including how you really feel or what you really think, we can finally work with all the pieces of the puzzle to help you. That’s why we’re here.

You Already Feel Like This

Sharing something personal is scary to put out there, but the reality is this is already how you feel. Or it’s something has already happened. Whether you say it or not, it’s true. Saying it aligns you with reality and takes the power out of it. When it’s inside, it holds a power over you. When you say it, it s now what it is.

The thing about reality is that it exists and goes on whether you want it to or not. You can disagree with it or deny it, but it is still what it is. The people who get to the place of relief with sharing finally come to that realization. No matter how hard you run and hide, reality is still there. You can try as hard as you want to not think or feel the way you do, but you still do.

So just admit it and move on. Once you get past that, you’ll find that being honest about things is actually much easier than staying in denial.

There Is Hope

By now you can see that there is hope. I’ve already eluded to some of it, but I’ll just add one more piece. I hope you’ll consider sharing and sticking it out with your therapist. Give them an opportunity to see and know the full you. Give yourself a chance to be fully accepted as you are. Let this be something that moves you into greater health, intimacy, and self-compassion.

It’s a terrifying and wonderful experience to be fully known and accepted. It’s one thing for that to be about you in general, and it’s a much deeper experience when it’s about you with something painful or vulnerable. You can see yourself much more clearly through the eyes of someone else, rather than through the lens of your own self-criticism or judgment. 

Whether or not you decide to open up and share in therapy, I hope this has helped you think it through better and wrestle with your thoughts and feelings about it. If you need help getting started, book an appointment to start counseling for anxiety in Tigard, OR.

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