Why do we make New Year’s resolutions? And why does it make so many of us just end up feeling bad about ourselves and our lives?
Why do we make resolutions?
First, let’s talk about where resolutions for a New Year come from. A “resolution” is a firm decision to do or not to do something. It’s often about finding a solution to a problem. The tradition of making a resolution, pledge, or vow goes back to ancient times. For the Babylonians, it was a time to settle debts, crown a new king, and plant crops for the new season. The Romans used it as a time to return borrowed equipment. For medieval knights, it was a time to recommit to chivalry and the life of servitude.
It seems to be human nature to want to improve our lives - and that starts with a decision and goal setting. But, the flip side is pressure, guilt, and self-loathing. None of us want those things. However, when we make a resolution out of disdain for things we perceive we are doing wrong, that is what tends to happen.
Ok, so what can I do to reduce stress instead of making resolutions?
How about setting an intention, theme, or mantra? Unlike resolutions, a mantra can be one word that comes to mind, like simplify, humility or perseverance. Or it could be a phrase like I am here now, Always have a dance party, and Choose the sunset. When you repeat these themes in your mind, they become a part of how you view your life; your decisions, your habits, and your perspective.
To illustrate, I’ll use simplify. Setting this as my theme, it starts to pop up as I go about my daily life. Sometimes when I write an email I find myself over-explaining something or using qualifiers. Such as ‘I don’t usually do this but..’, or ‘I know this isn’t a great time but...' I hear ‘simplify’ in my mind and make adjustments to be more direct and specific, and less worried about how I sound.
Likewise, when I have a conversation with someone who asks how I am, I try to avoid certain phrases. For example: “I’m fine but XYZ things are terrible and it’s making it hard to get work done and the kids are driving me crazy”. Instead say, “I’m having a kind of rough time. I’d love to tell you more if you have some time” which provides information, but also creates a boundary. This allows the person to opt-in so that I don’t end up feeling guilty for giving them more than they asked for. Another example would be in the material parts of my life. If I keep simplify close, this will guide my buying, cleaning, and decluttering decisions, so that I can eliminate some of the visual noise.
How do you pick a theme?
See how this is different than setting resolutions like keeping my house clean or stopping over-sharing with people? It can guide so much more than one area of your life! There are countless options when it comes to picking a theme. Choose one that best serves you and your life.
What will your theme be for 2022? For some fun suggestions, check out this article. You could also talk to a therapist about what this could look like for you! If you are already in counseling, they can help guide your intention setting. If you don’t have one yet, check out Discover Counseling to find the perfect therapist. We can help you learn about yourself, and start creating new themes for this year and beyond!
Consider Stress Counseling in Tigard, OR
We have a group of therapists who are ready to help you choose a theme for 2022 and start your best year possible. Reach out to us today to talk to a therapist about how we can help with your intention setting. Then schedule an appointment to start exploring your options for the new year. We offer face-to-face (in-person) counseling sessions. As well as online therapy in Oregon.
Other Services at Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR
Not only do we offer stress counseling but we also offer therapy for relationship issues, anxiety therapy, and depression treatment. Especially during this pandemic, we offer counseling for the grief and loss that we are all feeling! This is an especially difficult time for engaged couples, couples facing divorce, and those needing codependency counseling. It can also be hard for postpartum women and parenting couples. Everyone, including teenagers and children, is facing some type of stress or hardship right now. Call us today to receive counseling on how to face these stressors.
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