How to Handle Family Stress During the Holiday Season

The holidays can mean a variety of things to each of us.

They can be fun and exciting. They can be opportunities for spending time with family that we haven’t seen for a while, surrounded by delicious and traditional foods. They can mean love and warmth, admiring the glow of holiday lights in the cold night air.

However, the holidays can also elicit feelings of pain, sadness, and heartache.

The holidays can also create intense anxiety or depression. This time of the year can be a reminder of things changing, or staying the same when we want them to change. They can bring to mind our shortcomings, our shame and guilt around our bodies, or our lifestyles. They can be a return to somewhere you've moved on from.

One thing that tends to exist in both of these perspectives is family.

Sometimes, family makes you feel very conflicting emotions! How is this possible? How can you be excited to see your grandparents AND angry that they don’t fully know you or believe in the same things as you? How can two extremes exist at the same time?

The short answer is because our minds, feelings, and lives are complicated. The long answer is…a bit more intricate.

We are often conditioned by the systems and people in our lives to look at things in a sort of black or white lens, coated in judgment. Something is either “good” or “bad”. If we’ve judged it as “bad”, we don’t want it. But, if we’ve judged it as “good”, we likely want more of it.

But what if I told you that you can, and are 100% allowed, to feel “good” and “bad” feelings at the same time? AND you don’t even have to decide whether they are good or bad? WHAT?!

Your conflicting feelings can exist together.

And if you can acknowledge them, without judging them, and notice what they are and how they are showing up for you, you can not only learn a lot, you can let them go, and BE FREE.

That may sound oversimplified, but it truly is that straightforward. When a family relationship or situation arises in which you find yourself unsettled - check in with yourself. Take a literal moment, whether that be in the car before you enter a gathering, in the morning when you first wake up, or on a ride to the store, and ask yourself what you are feeling. Acknowledge the feeling or feelings, let yourself know that it is okay to feel them, and then go about your day. It is a guaranteed practice that leads to freedom.

Families are complicated. I don’t care who you are or where you come from! When you push a whole bunch of individual humans together and expect that, just because they share genetics and history, they will live in complete and utter harmony, will only lead to frustration and disappointment. In terms of relationships, family around the holiday season is THE OLYMPICS. 

But - you are strong.

And capable! We know you can get through anything. If you need a little help, reach out to us, and we can be your guide.

Consider Therapy for Relationship Issues in Tigard, OR

Our team of skilled Tigard, OR therapists is ready to help you open up to self-discovery for therapy. Contact us today to talk about how we can help you start feeling more grounded and to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors. We offer both face-to-face (in-person) counseling sessions and online therapy in Oregon to residents throughout the state.

Other Services at Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR

Not only can we help with relationship issues, anxiety, and depression, but we can also help navigate difficult life transitions. Specifically, we offer grief and loss that we are all feeling right now! This is an especially difficult time for engaged couples and couples on the brink of separation or divorce. It can also be hard for pregnant, postpartum, and parenting couples. Basically, everyone is facing some type of stressor right now. Call us today to receive guidance in how to alleviate all of these wild stressors.