What do you need?

Do you even know the answer to that question? Many of us don’t, not really. And it’s mostly because we haven’t taken the time to really understand how we best operate, how we feel most successful in our lives. Our ‘needs’ can look different on different days. Some days we might just need to get our work done, laugh at a funny meme, and eat some nourishing food. Other days, we might need lots of hugs, a run, or a long nap.

So, the more specific question is - what do you need to succeed? 

Well, obviously it matters what kind of success we are talking about. What you need to succeed at work might be different than what you need to feel successful in your intimate relationships, and yet still different from what you need to succeed at being a parent (to humans, animals, or plants!)

The first step to knowing and understanding what you need is to understand what ‘success’ means in the different categories in your life.

Some folks feel that success is consistency. Some think of it as monetary gains. Some feel that success is having time to spend with people in their lives. Some think having a certain type of job or title is success.

What does it mean to you? Write down the different areas of your life you want to succeed in, and then make a list of the things that would feel like success in those areas.

Here’s an example:

What I want: 

  • To have good friendships

What does success look like: 

  • Time spent hanging with friends
  • People checking on me
  • Planning outings for my friends
  • Inviting people over
  • Feeling included

What do I NEED to be successful: 

  • Setting reminders to check in with friends
  • Planning events ahead of time so that they are on my calendar
  • Saying no to work events or binge watching TV
  • Using an app like Marco Polo (video messaging) to stay connected

Another one..

What I want:

  • To feel rested and energetic throughout the day

What does success look like:

  • Being able to wake up easier
  • Getting more work done
  • Staying focused during the day
  • Being motivated to exercise
  • Being present for my kids/partner/friends

What do I NEED to be successful:

  • Resting when my body tells me to
  • Setting a bedtime reminder to wind down earlier
  • Getting a check-up to make sure all my bloodwork is fine
  • Eating more fruits, veggies, grains, and proteins
  • Scheduling/Planning my exercise times for the week ahead
  • Eating a light lunch (to avoid a sleepy afternoon!)
  • Taking breaks when I get overwhelmed
  • Doing a breathing practice to recenter myself
  • Talking to a therapist

Your lists might look very different! The point is to spend some time making them. Spend some time with yourself by being open and honest about what you really want, what it looks like, and what you need to get there. 

You are truly the only one who actually knows the answers here. But you might need to talk it out, write it out, or spend some time just dreaming. We can’t get clear on what we need without spending the time, space, and energy getting all the swirling thoughts out of our heads and into a more organized place. 

Once you do that, you might just feel a freedom you’ve never had knowing you have a clear roadmap on what you need to be successful in your life.