So often we have in our minds that we should be other than we are. That we should be stronger, faster, smarter, richer, and more attractive. That we should be good at everything we do and try. Essentially, that we should be perfect.
Perfectionism is NOT Possible
We all know deep down that perfection is not possible. But, that does not change the desire to excel and to set high standards. The impossibly high standards that are set eventually lead to disappointment and let down. This cycle of setting unachievable goals followed by not being able to meet those goals perfectly can lead to low self-esteem and a constant cycle of stress and anxiety.
Perfectionism is a Myth That Holds us Back
Often, individuals are hesitant to let go of their perfectionism because they know it has gotten them far in life. It led to the determination and drive to get good grades and land a good job. The fear becomes “What happens if I let go of the perfectionism? Will I go anywhere in my life? How will I motivate myself to continue to move forward? And would I even still be me?”
But those same individuals often also realize that when they are honest with themselves they also see the ways their drive to be perfect has also held them back. Often times the fear of not doing something just right means not doing it all. “What if I apply for the job and don’t get it? Maybe it would be better to not apply at all.”
The very thought of failure is paralyzing.
Studies have shown that confidence actually often comes through failure. We try something and it doesn’t go as planned so we try again but differently and again and again until we have mastered a new skill. The goal of perfectionists is often to never fail but that goal seems to be missing the mark.
We're the Same: Imperfect Humans
We all like to think we are better at things than the average person. Research shows 85% of individuals think they are better at getting along with others compared to the average person. 90% of drivers report they view themselves as better drivers than others. We like to think we are funnier, smarter, and more trustworthy than the average person. But statistically, this simply can’t be true. We clearly don’t view ourselves objectively. Yet ironically when individuals were asked how clearly they view themselves most people say they have a good ability to view themselves objectively!
Let's be imperfectly beautiful, together.
The truth is we are all human. We all have strengths, weaknesses, and things we are simply average at. This is the beauty of being human. We have the ability to learn and grow. If we were perfect, that would simply be boring! So the next time you don’t feel like you are living up to your own ideals, remember this is because you are human. There are moments you will fail and those moments make the victories oh so much sweeter.
About the author
Theresa Leskowat MS LCMHC is the owner of Clear Vista Counseling in Charlotte, NC. Theresa Leskowat is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT) specializing in helping clients manage perfectionism, learn effective stress management techniques, and learn research-proven ways to reduce anxiety. Theresa also provides divorce counseling for individuals who are currently going through a divorce.
Start Counseling in Oregon for Anxiety and Perfectionism
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