We are so busy, right? It never seems like we have enough time to focus on our loved ones. People are always asking, “How are you?” and we say “BUSY!” like it’s a badge of honor.
But what if we changed our story? Can you imagine a life where you didn’t immediately default to letting busyness define you, and instead, you created an intentional story about your time and how much you have?
A particularly important area of life that we often neglect because it doesn’t feel like a priority is our loved ones. This could be your parents, your siblings, friends, significant others, or kids.
This month contains the adored and abhorred holiday Valentine’s Day, and even if you aren’t involved or interested in romantic love, it can be a reminder to nurture the other love relationships in your life. So how do you get ‘less busy’ and make more time for the people you love?
1. Change Your Mindset About ‘Quality Time’ in Oregon
Many of us assume it’s not quality time unless it's a certain amount or we are doing a certain activity. And then it can feel like there isn’t a point to spending time with or on someone if it is not what we deem “quality”. What if you shifted your mindset to believe that ANY amount of time spent can be quality? What?! Yes, it’s true. It's all about how you are looking at it, what you believe to be true. Science has confirmed that making good eye contact or hugging for 20 seconds or more can release a special chemical in your body, called Oxytocin, which bonds us to someone and creates a feeling of love. Who doesn’t have 20 seconds?
Some other ideas would be doing check-ins throughout the week. Maybe that’s a text, a call, a voicemail, an email, or a video message. There are apps like Marco Polo, that allow you to send easy video messages to your people which you can watch in real-time or at a later date. When you check in and ask about someone’s day, you feel good for staying in touch, and they feel good for being checked on. What’s not “quality” about that?
2. Put it on the Schedule
A lot of us are tied to our schedules. Whether that is still a paper schedule (I see you, friends!) or online, it helps us create order in our day and provide boundaries and expectations around our time. You can use this space to schedule time with your loved ones as well. If you are thinking about someone and want to catch up, send them a quick message to find a time to do so, and add it to the schedule! You will feel good knowing you have set aside some intentional time and probably also excited that you know when you will see someone you love in the very near future!
3. Say NO More Often
‘No’ is a word that feels very uncomfortable to some of us. We don’t want to upset anyone or create conflict, so we avoid that by agreeing to requests and events when it’s not actually a good time or something we are interested in. How do we stop?
Think about ‘saying no’ to something you don’t really want as actually ‘saying yes’ to yourself and your loved ones! When you make the decision to stop committing to things that are filling your time but not filling your soul, you open up your schedule, your mind, and your energy to the things and people that bring you joy and fill your cup.
What does this look like though?
When someone asks you to participate in something you don’t really feel aligns with how you want to be spending your time, you can say, “Thank you so much for the offer/request/opportunity, but I’m unable to commit to that right now.” or, “I appreciate you asking me about that but it’s just not a good time.”
Once you start practicing this, it will become easier, AND it will allow you more space and time to prioritize your relationships and all the amazing memories you can create with the people you love!
4. Learn About ‘Parkinson’s Law’
Is this some sort of science thing I won’t understand or care about? Well, kinda, but really it’s more about the way you think about time.
Parkinson’s Law says that “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion”. In easier terms and turning it around a bit, we can say that ‘the time we have to do something is the time it will take to get it done.’ So an example of this would be a project or chore. If you give yourself two weeks to complete it, it will take two weeks before you are finished. If you shorten that timeframe, the work gets done faster! Try it out in your life and see how it works for you. By shortening the time we allot for something we are trying to accomplish, we become more efficient, AND ‘create’ more time for our relationships. Pretty cool huh?
5. Spend Less Time on Your Phone & Computer
Ok, this one sounds like a no-brainer, but the problem is, it takes an intentional and conscious decision to put down the device. We actually have to choose to be connected less. Our brains love the distraction, stimulation, and sense of connection that technology provides. Because of that, it becomes addicting. We want more and more because our brain chemicals are being tricked into false feelings of happiness.
But we can make the decision to disconnect or put intentional limits on our technology time. In doing so, we will gain minutes and even hours to spend doing other things!
To see how much time you are spending on your device, go check your screen time app (or install one so you can start monitoring). You will likely be shocked at how many HOURS you spend in various apps and online. Think of all the time you could make for your people if you create boundaries around your screen time? This is especially true with the people who live with who would surely benefit from a good conversation, walk, snuggle, or other fun activity (like games, puzzles, art, or cooking!). Put away the pretend connection so you can get the real kind!
Let Therapy in Tigard, OR Help You Make More Time
Need some help to get ‘less busy’ and have more time for your loved ones? Working with one of our skilled therapists will help! If you are worried that you don't have time to make it to our Tigard, Or based office we have other options. We offer online therapy in Oregon so you can fit therapy easily into your schedule. Begining therapy in Tigard, OR is easy. The first step is to contact a Tigard, OR therapist. From there you can make an appointment with a caring therapist. Working together you will get control of your time and feel the joy of having more time with loved ones.
Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR Has Even More to Offer.
We offer many services including therapy for relationship problems, premarital therapy, therapy for anxiety and codependency counseling. If you are facing changes in life, begin therapy for life transition with one of our therapists. Discover Counseling also offers support for postpartum parents and parenting couples. Everyone including kids and teenagers are impacted by the busyness of life. Call us today to start therapy in Tigard, OR.
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