How should we respond to Kobe Bryant’s sudden death?

On Sunday morning, NBA legend Kobe Bryant was killed in a helicopter crash with his 13 year old daughter. The father and daughter pair were traveling to her basketball game when the accident happened, killing all who were aboard. As soon as word got out, celebrities and athletes across the globe expressed shock and disbelief.

Here in Portland, the Trailblazers had a game to play against the Pacers. Damian Lillard expressed his shock in an interview before the game, sharing that he felt numb and that the reality hadn’t set in yet. Others who knew Kobe shared similar responses. The collective reaction, I think, has been pretty much the same - how in the world are we to respond to such a sudden tragedy?

On Monday, a day later, people are still trying to figure that out. And for good reason.

Kobe Bryant was no regular athlete. He was elite. He was an unmatched competitor who could take over a game and will a victory. He was, without a doubt, one of the best players in NBA history. And he is one of the greatest athletes in all of sports history.

So it makes sense that we, as his captive audience, would be impacted by his passing. Many of us grew up watching him play and dreamed of being like him someday. Others followed his early personal life mistakes that became painfully public. All of us watched him grow, mature, compete, and become a better person, husband, and father. The totality of his life, faults and all, was impressive. To wake up on a Sunday morning to news that he had died at such a young age (only 41) and in such a tragic way is, and was, shocking.

When I first read the breaking news, I couldn’t believe it. I checked other sources, desperately hoping it wasn’t true. The rest of the day I found myself mulling it over in my head in disbelief, sharing the shock with everyone I knew and finding them in the same state.

As I’ve had time to reflect more on it, I wonder if anyone knows how to respond to this loss? After all, most of us never knew Kobe Bryant personally, so why are we all so affected by this loss?

First, it was a shocking and sudden event. Something that is unexpected should arouse a sense of disbelief because we haven't had time to adjust to the new reality this event has created for us. Two days ago, Kobe was with us and we didn't think anything of it. Today, he's gone and we're still trying to understand what happened, what this means for the world of sports, and how his surviving family members must be feeling. Shock and disbelief are appropriate responses.

The more we talk about it and, more specifically, how it has impacted us, the more we can help that truth sink in. It's a difficult thing to do because if we're honest, I think many of us don't want the truth to sink in. Acceptance of this new reality is a painful pill to swallow, but we must do it in order to properly grieve and it's an important part of honoring Kobe and his legacy.

So talk about it. Talk about it as much as possible without obsessing. Talk about different aspects of how it's affected you and the impact Kobe Bryant had on you personally. This will help you get beyond the shock and disbelief.

Second, be prepared for sadness. After we get beyond the tragedy of the helicopter crashing on a normal trip for Kobe and his daughter, we're faced with the reality that a wife lost her husband, a mother lost her daughter, sisters lost their sister, and a family was broken. Not only for the Bryant family, but for the others on board that helicopter. It's a sad thing for family members to lose one of their tribe, and especially one that was so full of potential and a bright future.

Grieving is not something Americans know how to do well. We usually have a "fix" for our sadness - medication, an adrenaline rush-filled activity, alcohol, burying ourselves in work, or something else to distract us. However, there is a saying that goes like this: "Grief is a desert that must be crossed by foot." There is no shortcut across the desert of sadness; it must be fully felt until there is no more.

Then what? After the shock wears off and we get through a good portion of the sadness, it's time to face the future and move on. The best way to do this in a situation like this is to find gratitude.

Be grateful for all that Kobe Bryant gave you: spectatular gameplay, sportsmanship, excellence, dreams, inspiration, hope. He leaves this legacy that is still real and has had a real impact on us, so to honor him we can turn to gratitude for who he was and what he gave us.

More than that, though, the loss of Kobe Bryant as with all sudden losses teaches us that life is precious and we never know if we'll get another chance to see our loved ones, tell them how we feel about them, or do that thing we've always dreamed of doing.

So to honor Kobe Bryant and complete your processing of his loss, devote yourself to spending more time with the people you care about. Take that risk and tell them how you feel about them, how much you appreciate them, and how they have changed you for the better. Find your courage and do that thing you've been too afraid to do or have put off for later, knowing now that the only time we are guaranteed is right now. Do all of this with total focus and commitment, just like Kobe.