One of the most controversial issues I think people struggle with is that of self-care. Most people I talk with would describe it as being selfish or self-centered - only thinking about you and not thinking about anyone else. But is this what self-care really is? If it is something different, then how do you distinguish self-care from selfishness? I would like to answer those questions here.
What is Self-Care?
If you look at the word "self-care", you see two independent but connected words. The main word "care" means nurturing or the provision of what is necessary. Often times the word "care" is used concerning children. Some common phrases include "childcare" or "caring for my kids". The other word defines who is being cared for. In this case, it is one's self. After looking at the meaning of each word singularly you have the true meaning of self-care. Which is "taking care of, providing what is necessary, or nurturing yourself." The meaning of self-care shows how important it is and how different it is from selfishness.What is Selfishness?
Nonetheless, its important to also understand the true meaning of selfishness. This will help further solidify the differences between it and self-care. Selfishness comes into play when nothing else can take priority. A person who takes care of themself is practicing self-care. Yet, someone who lives and pursues taking care of self above all else no matter what is considered selfish. One designates an activity or behavior while the other describes a lifestyle. Self-care is a healthy habit you should incorporate into your life. Selfishness is an attitude that often results in similar-looking behaviors.Why is Self-Care Important?
We have examined the technical differences between self-care and selfishness. Now, we will look at the importance of self-care and its benefits. First, let's identify the consequences of not taking good care of yourself. This is a non-inclusive list of problems that can arise from neglecting self-care:
- moodiness & tiredness
- fatigue
- lack of motivation
- medical issues
- issues with your weight (fluctuating/ overweight)
- stress/anxiety
- depression
- relational withdrawal or isolation
- relationship problems with friends
- feeling unsatisfied or discontent
- social anxiety
- anger
- addiction
People in codependency counseling, stress counseling, and depression treatment can benefit from self-care. The list above serves as evidence of that.
You have needs! We all have them! That is the biggest reason that it is important to practice self-care. They are not just wishes and desires but instead important necessities. Contrary to most advertisements, a new car or the latest fashionable shoes are not needs. Needs are our most basic human functions that must have regular fulfillment. It is when these needs are not met that we start to see problems. Without self-care for these needs people find replacement satisfaction. Usually presenting itself in unhealthy and destructive ways instead of healthy paths such as seeing a therapist. Look at self-care as a way to take care of yourself by getting and staying healthy. It allows you to maintain balance and equilibrium while avoiding unhealthy behaviors.
How To Prioritize Self-Care?
The main principle underlying self-care is the priority. Prioritizing looks like focusing on caring for yourself above other demands. This will let you be able to fulfill those other demands easier. Remember, we're not saying to "only think about yourself" or "forget everyone else". That is is the kind of thinking that leads to selfishness. What we are saying is that to have healthy relationships, you must first be a healthy individual (self).
Wondering what areas in your life you can practice self-care to become a healthy individual? Here are some of the most common needs that are not prioritized that become neglected in our lives:
Sleep- Diet/eating
- Exercise
- Social/relational
- Relaxation/fun
- Personal growth and development
- Spiritual formation/growth
- Family
- Major life changes
- Counseling
Who Self-Care Is For?
The obvious first answer is that self-care is for me. But again, if the only person that benefited from you practicing self-care, then it would be selfishness. Most of us want to be in relationships and enjoy time with others. Many of us get a great deal of joy out of helping others. So the second answer (which might be the real answer) is that self-care is for others.
For us to be able to give our best to others, we must first be healthy and whole ourselves. Self-care is for our: employers, friends, family, spouses, and children. It allows them to reap our greatest strengths, talents, gifts, and abilities after we are taken care of. When and only when we are healthy individuals can we give to others without becoming a drain on them.
This does not mean that sometimes we cannot have relational needs for support. Sometimes we will need to ask others for help. Through self-care, we can do that from a state of stability rather than instability and neediness. There's a difference between being in need and being needy; self-care can help us stay on the far side of being needy.
Self-Care is Self-Referential
In conclusion, it's important to realize that nobody else can self-care for you. Even that sentence sounds odd and doesn't really make sense! Self-care is self-referential; it refers to you taking care of yourself. If you do not take care of you in the most basic ways listed above, nobody else will. Please don't interpret more than this. I am not saying that you cannot trust others.
You don't have to be your own independent hero (picture any modern action film with a Hollywood movie star). All this means is that you are ultimately responsible for taking good care of your mind, your body, and your soul. Therefore, when you step up and take hold of this responsibility, you will find a greater sense of satisfaction in life. It will increase self-esteem, improve relationships, and set better boundaries (including time management). Self-care will give you the skills to overcome life's demands and struggles. Meeting with a therapist can help you take care of yourself.
Knowing How to start in Oregon
Self-care is an important part of life as a healthy individual and for healthy relationships, and that it is not selfish to do. Take a look at your life and consider making some positive changes that will free you from frustrations, annoyances, and drains that have been keeping you from achieving the life and goals you have been putting off. Our skilled therapists are ready to help you make a plan and take the steps towards better self-care. Contact us today to talk about how we can help you start prioritizing yourself. Make an appointment to begin our counseling services in Tigard, OR. We offer both face-to-face (in-person) counseling sessions and online therapy in Oregon.More Therapy Services at Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR
Not only can we help you use self-care to become a healthier you but we can also help navigate difficult life transitions. A skilled therapist at Discover Counseling can help with therapy for anxiety, PTSD, processing traumatic events, codependency counseling and navigating grief or loss! Relationships can be especially difficult which is why we offer a wide array of friend and family therapy in Tigard, OR. Our counselors can help during every stage including as an engaged couple, everyday marriage, couples on the brink of separation or divorce or when growing as a family (both for postpartum depression help and parenting couples). Adults, teens, and children are all facing some type of stressor right now. Please let our therapists help you navigate this difficult time.
About Aaron, the Author
Aaron Potratz is the owner and clinical supervisor of Discover Counseling in Tigard, OR. He is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Oregon providing psychotherapy and business consulting services in his private practice. Aaron often writes about mental health and relationship issues. He also hosts a weekly podcast called Shrink Think with his business partner, Nathan Hawkins, about facing fears and difficult challenges from a therapist’s perspective.Ready to take the next step?
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