How To Get Over It, Someone, or Something

If you are a human being, chances are you have had something end at some point in your life.

Maybe it was a sports season, school, a job, or a relationship. In fact, we face endings all the time. Not all of them feel significant, but the ones that we remember can cause really hard feelings that linger a long while.

Many times our reaction, or the reaction of those who love us, is to try to make it better. Change the subject, create a distraction, or even go to great lengths not to feel those hard feelings by covering them up, stuffing them down, and ignoring them.

You Cannot Pretend Emotions Away to Get Over It

When someone you know is going through a breakup, what do you do? It's common to offer to take them out, go on a trip, or even set them up with someone you know. We do this because we don’t like to see our loved ones suffer, and we think we can just 'pretend' the feelings away.

And it may work...for a little while. We may be able to distract ourselves or others so completely that we think we have moved on. We think we've beat the ending at its own game.

But, have we?

Our mind likes to try to play a game. It tries to convince us that we're fine and we're past all that HARD stuff. We tell ourselves that we're ok, that we've moved on, and that we don’t have to think about it ever again. But, what do we do next? Drink too much, get into relationships that aren't good for us, and lie awake sad and alone.

But, our bodies know what we're going through and they hold onto the feelings, which manifests in lots of uncomfortable and unfortunate ways. We might feel physical pain, stress, and overwhelm. Or we might have short tempers or unclear boundaries. On the other hand, we might even end up with a serious illness or chronic health issues!

So, what should you do when something ends? And why do you feel so bad, to begin with?

Trauma Responses & Grief Are A Part of Processing Endings in Life Transitions Counseling

Endings mean change.

You were going along, doing something, or being with someone in a consistent manner. You likely knew what to expect, and got used to how things were. Maybe it wasn’t even a good something (job, relationship, etc), but it was comfortable in the sense that it carried on in a way that was the same. It was predictable, maybe even a routine. In that way, it felt safe.

For many of us, our brains experience change as a threat. In long-ago times, early humans had patterns and expectations about where they lived, worked, and slept. They knew which plants were safe to eat, where to create communities to avoid danger, and how to safely interact with each other and the earth. If a predator entered the picture, their brains reacted to the perceived change in their consistent environment and went into fight or flight mode.

Our brains really haven’t changed that much actually. When something happens unexpectedly, like an ending can be, our brains see it as a threat, and we react accordingly. Once we move on from flight or fight, we enter a phase of grief, learning, and re-establishing our existence in the changing environment.

Life Transitions Counseling Can Help You Through the Negatives of Change So You Can Embrace the Positive

But, in order to get to the learning and re-building part, we HAVE to go through the less desired parts. The fight or flight, which might look like running away, feeling angry, lashing out, being numb. And the grief, which might look different on different days but could mean extreme sadness, anger, acceptance, and indifference is all a part of your healing. One day you might feel angry about what happened, and the next you might feel really sad. You might say, “Oh good, I felt angry, so I’m done with that emotion now!”, but don't be surprised if it makes another appearance.

The best way to get to the ‘moving on’ part is to invite those feelings to come, happen as they may, and watch them go. They will ALWAYS go if you give them the space, to begin with. This I can actually assure you of. If you say to your hard feelings, “I see you, I hear you, I invite you to stay”, and then sit with them intentionally, they will let themselves out after a bit. And honestly, the more you practice this, the shorter their stay. When you become really practiced at feeling those feelings, it could be a matter of minutes or seconds before they mosey on out. How amazing would THAT be?

Final Thoughts From An Online Therapist in Oregon About How to Get Over It

So, let’s recap.

1. It’s ok to feel bad when something ends. Change can be difficult, unexpected, and uncomfortable.
2. Our brains are wired to see change as a threat, and this is usually what causes the hard feelings.
3. The fastest way to freedom and re-establishing your ‘normal’ is not cutting corners or ignoring the viney path. The fastest way is THROUGH and life transition therapy can help with that.
4. The more you practice inviting your hard feelings to hang out and accept them for what they are, the easier it gets to get over them. 
5. Navigating endings may always feel hard. How hard it feels to you depends on how much practice you have.
6. Try to embrace life’s changes. Many times a new and amazing turn of events can happen when something ends.

Always remember, navigating hard thoughts and feelings can be that much easier with the support of others, especially those trained (*cough cough* online therapists! 😉) to guide you through. Reach out to Discover Counseling if you need support, and let the endings ebb and flow in your life.

Ready to Get Over It With Life Transition Counseling in Tigard, OR?

Our caring online therapists are here to support you as you learn to get over it, someone, or something. Life transition counseling can make the process of something coming to an end easier. Start the journey of processing your emotions at Discover Counseling by following these simple steps:

1. Contact us to speak with a caring staff member
2. Schedule your first therapy for life transitions appointment
3. Build a plan for the life that you want

Other Therapy Services We Offer in Tigard, Oregon

Our empathetic counselors offer anxiety treatment, trauma therapy, and therapy for life transitions. In addition to therapy for teens, Christian counseling, and codependency treatment, postpartum counseling. We also offer support for your partnership with premarital counseling, couples therapy, marriage counseling, and therapy for relationship issues. At Discover Counseling we look forward to helping reach your goals and start living the life that you have dreamed of.